Why I want more D/s in my marriage


I think we’ve got a lot to gain from building more of a D/s dynamic. I think I am dominant by nature and I think she is submissive by nature.
I think that D/s is a going to be a good way for us to strengthen what we have and develop it further, while also helping us with a framework to iron out some of the parts of our relationship which need some work.


Communication:- If I’m honest, we don’t communicate all that well. ¬†We’re both guilty of letting things go unsaid for too long. She is the first to break the silence when frustration has reached breaking point.
As well as being (usually justifiably) angry with me, She is also angry at Herself for being angry with me. I struggle to deal with Her when she is like this because a lot of not entirely related stuff comes out too quickly for me to fully take on board and I struggle to understand what the main problem is and often respond to the wrong point or feel overwhelmed and find I can’t think of anything to say.

This just makes things worse and once we reach some kind of resolve, we both feel more reluctant to raise issues in the future, because talking about issues is always such a negative experience for both of us.

I’ve read about a few D/s marriages which incorporate a regular set time where things are discussed. I think this would be very useful for the both of us to start so that we can discuss things more calmly before they become problems.


Development:- I see my wife as an intelligent, principled and capable woman.
She is confident when she’s not thinking about it, but loses confidence very easily.
She worries too much about things that don’t matter and what people who don’t matter think of her.
She can sometimes be crippled by decision paralysis and I tended to step back and let her make decisions because I didn’t want to seem like I was denying her a voice or overriding her opinions. I now see that I need to step up and take over some of the decision making and be a lot more proactive.

I want to do what I can to help her become the best version of herself which has to start with me becoming the best version of myself.

I think a D/s dynamic can help us here, by providing a structure for us both and to help me take control of some situations and make more decisions so that she doesn’t have to.

Sex:- We often get into ruts with sex, where it simply doesn’t happen for days at a time. Sometimes it can be two or three weeks between sex.

It’s not that we don’t want it, because we both do, it’s usually a combination of going to bed too late, having too much on our minds at bed time, She doesn’t like to initiate sex, sometimes I want to initiate sex but for some reason start to second guess myself and end up not doing anything.
When we then have sex again, it’s fantastic and like there never was a gap.

Sex is also where the D/s element came from, she has made it clear that she likes to be the submissive during sex and I love to be in control of sex and to experiment with different toys, techniques and types of play.
There are a few new things I want to introduce to our sex life and we both want it to happen more frequently. Better communication and development will help us get to a place where there are far fewer barriers to sex.



So goes the plan. We’ll see how things go over the next few weeks.


The Introduction



Let us start with the introductions.

I am a man in my mid 30s, married to a woman of about the same age. We’ve been together since we were in our mid 20s, married for about half that time.
We both have perfectly average 9-5 type jobs, we live in a perfectly average suburb of a perfectly average town in the North of England. We are, in fact, perfectly average except for the fact that, our sex life has developed from vanilla to one which is a lot less vanilla and with a clear dom/sub dynamic.


I feel that our relationship is at a stage where the d/s aspect is becoming a lot more prominent and I think it’s going to keep growing in prominence and significance in the future. As that happens, I know I’m going to need a space to process some thoughts I might be having have about what’s happening, and I find that writing stuff down helps me to reflect on what’s happening, it helps me turn random thought jumbles into coherent thoughts and generally helps me spot what’s going well and what needs improvement.